it occurred to me today, as i was driving home and listening to my ipod on "shuffle", that i don't really want that much control over my life.
i'm kind of a control freak. it's like this anxious, pulsating undertone to most of my days. i think i do it because there are certain things i know that i can't control, so i kind of hone in on what i can.
anyway, i was listening to my ipod and a song came on that i didn't particularly want to listen to just then, so i reached over to change it... and then i realized how stressful it is to have such control. i thought about the people i work with who are mentally ill and have come to a place where they have basically no control over anything anymore, and they call it REHAB. a place of healing. a place of accepting your weaknesses and the cards you've been dealt, and working with instead of against them. i think that's the way it's supposed to be, for everybody everywhere. some of the happiest people i've ever seen are those with the least amount of control over their lives. kids in third world countries, kids in general... they don't worry, they just take what comes.
while those of us who do have some control try and use it to do impossible things. like dogs chasing cars, only we're not even enjoying it. what would a dog do with a car if he actually caught it? what would i do with myself if everything was just the way i wanted it? life would be pretty predictable, and i probably wouldn't grow at all as a person. what do you call a kid who gets everything he wants? spoiled. (litterally).
so i let the song play, and enjoyed the sunshine instead...
